I have to spill my thoughts about Project Runway here because I can't make any of these comments to Miguel while watching, because the kids are watching too. They love the show. And Clara's totally going to design clothes when grows up, after she figures out that life as a professional dancer sucks. Watch how the fuck-o-meter rises when I get to my favorite designer on the show.
We watched the first two episodes of PR on Monday night. When Keith won the first challenge, he seemed kind of arrogant, but not out of line. It was a nice dress and his model looked awesome. I thought he was kind of good-looking and interesting because he seems not to be gay. But then on the 2nd episode, when he was pitching his dress to Miss USA, what the hell was up with that "I NEED to see your legs." At first she seemed kind of entranced by him, but by the end of the speech, he was so intrusive, she kind of pulled away from him. I felt like I had witnessed an assault by the end of it. Dude, you are not hot if you spend hours per day in front of the mirror rehearsing your intense "animal magnatism" eyes. Then, if you notice later they are all sitting in front of Heidi and he's giving her the same look. It's so intensely desparate "look into my eyes and melt at my mother-fucking animal magnatism". I feel like the women he looks that way should slap him. I'd really like to see him try the look on that frigid bitch Nina Garcia. She would SO neutralize his ass.
Vincent: Are you fucking kidding me? And you're married? And you cashed in your 401K for this? First 2 dresses, butt-ugly.
Jeffrey: Don't like his stuff. Can't wait until he's voted off because that tatoo around his neck makes me think of decapitation.
Loved Michael's coffee filter dress. How the hell did those 2 who made comforter dresses slip under the radar on Episode 1? I would have thrown them out for being lazy.
I loved how Miss USA was all up in Alison's shit because she didn't even bother to make a sketch for her. I mean Angela. Hate her. What kind of mother-fucking designer doesn't sketch??
Malan: Dude. Maybe it's the way he talks, but he kind of freaked me out with the "I'll show my mother" comment. She sounds like a souless whore, and he should show her. But the way he put it, and on National tv, sounded sinister and dark. I thought he was going to go on and tell us that there was something nasty in the woodshed. Would have been fun to see his neurosis develop on the show. And the whole friend thing was sad. He should totally move to Manhattan. Go get his picture taken with The Ass, take in a few shows. Within a couple of weeks he'd find himself some friends. (BTW, did you know that The Ass is actually a waiter? And he brings the food to the table of unsuspecting diners and then turns around to walk away and they get to see his ass and their food all at once! Yes, I check The Ass everytime it's updated. LOVE IT)
Yo LAURA! You may have nice clothes, but I can't believe that no one's ever had the guts to tell you that even though lip liner can give the illusion of larger lips, the only person it ever worked for was Jack Nickelson when he played the fucking JOKER. (Can't save the photo to my desktop. Check out her bio on the Bravo website. Click on the 5th photo for exhibit A: http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/photos/season/3/designers/Laura_Bennett
Seriously woman, get over yourself. I don't even care what her designs look like because she's a fucking bitch.
Don't get me wrong; I have nothing but admiration for a mom who keeps her shit together and looks great every day. Good for her. But any mother who looks down her nose at my sweatpants is a fucking cunt. Once you birth babies you join the motherhood sorority and "Thou shalt not judge other mothers unless they are abusing their children." She is so fucking excommunicated. So that means I can make snide comments about her lipstick. And fuck her for the mini-van comment too. What the fuck does she drive her 5 kids around in, a fucking Rolls Royce Hummer?
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