Home Sweet Home

Ah, I always find it best leave a good solid 6 weeks between posts. Anymore and I'd just be talking about myself too much, eh?

So I left my job at the end of October and you wouldn't know it by the looks of this blog. Or my house. Or my body. So what gives? Ok, I'll give myself credit for giving Clara a beautiful new bedroom that fucking kicks Pottery Barn's ass. It's gorgeous. I'll have to take a photo and post it tomorrow. There are some shelves left to hang. But it's otherwise officially decorated. Also, all Christmas shopping is done and has been for a few days. Oh and we re-organized the basement in a major way.

On top of my resolution to use this time to put my house and life back together, I also resolved to spend these last fleeting moments of innocence with my children. Sylvia's last few years as a pre-schooler; Clara and Rodrigo's last months before they hit the whole tween scene hard. Rodrigo will be 10 in 3 months. That was difficult to type. Clara is mature beyond her years and will be a full-blown tween long before she's 10.

I've been trying to get back into the habit of cooking. To save money, to have more family meals together, and to eat more healthfully. And to make use of the kick ass kitchen in my kick ass house. Found a wonderful recipe for peppermint bark that I'll be serving at all holiday functions this month. Miguel and I plan to sit down tonight and figure out just when those functions will be. I've been cleaning alot, to make up for the months of neglect. And cleaning puts me in a party mood, because honestly; I only really clean when company's coming.

I have a cd called Winter Solstice that I always remember to get out at the first snow. Some songs are holiday-ish. But it's just a lovely instrumental cd to play when you're all warm inside and it's cold as a penguin's ass outside. I popped that in the kitchen cd player while making dinner Friday night. I was making curried chicken in the crock pot and the smell was intoxicating. I was filled with a sense of well-being and satisfaction that I haven't felt in years.

It's difficult for me to reconcile being a modern woman with the complete satisfaction that I feel being a shit-ass-ho-motherfucker. (Stay-at-home-mom) I believe in a woman's right/obligation to choose her path in life. And what works best for me and my family for now is that I continue doing the home-making. I've always hated the term homemaker. But I've determined that for me, it's my primary occupation right now. Why? Because I need it. It's good for my family, but for me, it's a need. I'm not 100% sure that we can continue living in the current style and have me "homemaking" forever. But I doubt I will need it to be this way forever.

The only relationship I have with my own family is exchanging occasional email with an uncle of mine. That is it. I have no family outside of what I have created here in my home for myself. And being with them is comforting and healing. And it builds me up in a way that I didn't get as a child. I'm still reveling in the warm security of it all. And I have a secret fear that if I step away from it for too long; it'll disappear.

I have other dreams and interests. I have no doubt that I will pursue them someday. It is also quite possible that I will need to find a "job" that doesn't involve my passions in the future. Possibly in the near future. All of these things are fine with me. And I'll tackle those things as they come. I just don't want them right now. For now my goal is to stop explaining my choices to people. Like I just felt the need to explain it to myself and the 4 people who read this blog and already know these things about me anyway. But hey, it's my fucking blog and I'll use it for repetitive self-introspection if I want to.

Here are some fun things I've done in the past 6 weeks that have made me enjoy being a mom again: Kicked Rodrigo's ass at Monopoly. Had my ass kicked by Rodrigo at Shooters. Started a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle with Clara. Went on a class field trip with Sylvia. Took the kids and one friend for each of them to Cosely Zoo for an afternoon just because the weather was nice. Read "The Tale of Despereaux" to the kids over Thanksgiving break. Watched "Finding Nemo" with the kids on our new HDTV (Miguel's Christmas gift for the next 3 years!) instead of cleaning up the kitchen like I was going to.

Comments

[Jackie]

I must have given up on you blogging, I haven't looked here in days! I am impressed by all you have done! How long did the basement take? I've been working on my dining area, which is also Abigail's craft area, and I think I"ve been at it for over 5 hours, and I almost close to done, but the read of the room hasn't gotten touched yet! I wish you luck and hope I can catch up with you@ But I still have work interferring with that! And I felt the same way today as much of the stuff you've writen, I wasn't planning on working, and have been since October and feel like I am missing Abigail's last year of half days. Have to go and get them a drink, talk more later.
Good Luck

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